August 20, 2011

Have you ever wanted to be with someone who didn’;t want to be with y?

it a horrivle feeling. seriously.

but i respect their descicions. and i will get over it at some point.

i want to go out with landon. not bcaise i wnt to make her jealous but be ause i want to find someone else to be in love with/.

being in love with a bgirl ins’t worth it. ever. i have learned that even one who is willing to tell her parents wioll just make life hard in genral.

I wish I had met amazing guys instead. I’m pretty sure I’d be married right now.

I have two tests this week. Shoot me now. March 9, 2009

Lately I’ve felt disconnected.
From everyone, really.
Is this the price I have to pay to get good grades? Is this my sacrifice to be successful?
Hmm.
Most of my thoughts are either told to someone or poured into a journal somewhere. But recently I’ve just kept them in my head. It’s weird. Like, when I tell someone or write them down, I have to put them into words first. But when they stay in my head it’s more of a feeling than anything else. I don’t know if that makes sense. Probably not.

I gave blood today. I wasn’t supposed to. You’re supposed to wait 12 months after getting a tattoo and I only waited 6. But they tested my blood before the actual donation and it didn’t have any random diseases (and I’m pretty sure I would have started showing symptoms by now if I had one). So do I feel bad about donating? Not really. I have Type O blood which is universal, meaning anyone can use it. I’m in healthy condition (the lady was impressed by my blood pressure- guess I’m somewhat in shape) and I bleed a lot so it doesn’t take me a long time to fill up the bag. Once they stuck the needle in my arm, ten minutes went by and then I was done.
The whole thing was pretty spontaneous. I saw the “blood mobile” and I walked in. The end.

My butt is expanding. It sucks.

I don’t understand
How we drift so far away
I keep on holding on
But your hands are feeling so numb
Nobody told me that there would be days like these
I’m falling baby can’t you see
And you’re in no hurry to keep me from coming undone
Take a look at what we’ve become
Where do we go from here?
I don’t wanna disappear
Our hearts are on parade
So you can watch them fade

I don’t understand how the worst of times
Get stuck in your mind
I’d like to take away
All the stupid things that we say

Nobody told me that there would be days like these
I’m falling baby can’t you see
And you’re in no hurry to keep me from coming undone
Take a look at what we’ve become
Where do we go from here?
I don’t wanna disappear
Our hearts are on parade
So you can watch them fade

-American Hi-Fi “Hearts On Parade”

An email sent out to everyone at UT. March 5, 2009

Members of the UT Community,

At the university’s annual “UT Remembers” memorial program, students, faculty and staff who died in the past year are remembered. Family and friends are invited to the public ceremony where the Tower bell tolls as each person’s name is read. UT Remembers 2009 will be held in the Tower Garden on Friday, May 8 at 2 p.m.

We ask your help in reviewing the list of current students and current and retired faculty and staff who died in the last 12 months. The list on the link below can be sorted by name, classification or department:

http://web.austin.utexas.edu/ormue/events/utremembers/public/index.cfm?year=2009

If you are aware of an omission or inaccuracy, please contact the person responsible for the category noted below. Your prompt response will help us make sure each family receives an invitation to UT Remembers.

Current Students: Dr. LaToya Hill at latoya.hill@austin.utexas.edu
Current/Retired Faculty Members: Ms. Angela Davis at angela.davis@mail.utexas.edu
Current/Retired Staff Members: Ms. Robin Jarman at robin.jarman@austin.utexas.edu
Other University Association: Ms. Melissa Huddleston at mhuddleston@mail.utexas.edu

Should you have questions, please contact Melisssa Huddleston at 471-7753.

Thank you.

Susan Clagett
Office of Relationship Management and University Events
Division of Public Affairs

Demetri Martin March 4, 2009

So here’s the email I got on Monday:

“Informational: DEMETRI MARTIN TO PERFORM AT UT

The Texas Union Student Events Center’s Distinguished Speakers Committee and Music and Entertainment Committee will host a performance by Demetri Martin, in the Texas Union Ballroom on TUESDAY, MARCH 10, 2009 at 7PM. Admission is free and open to the UT Community with passes.

Demetri Martin is a world-renowned comedian and gifted musician with an affinity for palindromes. Martin has written for “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” had a guest spot on “Flight of the Conchords” and made appearances on Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend” and “The Daily Show.” In February 2009, he debuted his own television series on Comedy Central, “Important Things with Demetri Martin.”

Admission to the event is FREE. A pass is required for admission but does not guarantee admission to the event. UT students, faculty and staff may obtain passes from the Texas Union Student Events Center Events and Info Desk (UNB 4.300) by presenting a valid UT ID. Pass distribution will begin on TUESDAY morning, MARCH 3, 2009 at 8:00 AM (pass distribution: weekdays 8am-5pm).

**CONTEST** DSC and MEC are holding a poster contest to win VIP tickets (guaranteed admission and special seating). Design your own Demetri Martin-related poster, and submit entries to the Events and Info Desk (UNB 4.300) by Friday, March 6, 2009 at 5PM. Include your name, EID, email address, and phone number with your entry. Winners will be contacted via email before 5PM on Monday, March 9.

This event is co-sponsored by the Texas Union Student Events Center’s Distinguished Speakers Committee (DSC) and the Music and Entertainment Committee (MEC). The majority of funding for this event is provided by designated tuition paid by all students.

For more information please call 475-6630 or visit utsec.org.”

So, naturally, I was crazy excited. They started giving out passes at 8, and the building opened at 7, so I figured I could be there by 6 and easily get a pass.
Then I went on facebook.
Everybody’s statuses were talking about it. There was an event created showing that over 1400 people were planning to attend. There was a limited amount of passes, and while it was required to have a pass to get in, having a pass did not guarantee a seat. People were planning on camping out in front of the Union overnight IN THE COLD so they could be first in line to get tickets.
Going at 6 would not suffice.
Meaning I could not convince anyone to go at 4 in the morning with me (except Cami who had an 8:00am class and Alex (my roommate’s boyfriend) who said he’d do it if I paid him $100).

I put in a load of laundry at 1:00am Monday night/Tuesday morning and then got in back to take a short nap before standing in line all by my lonesome.
I had a dream that I got in line early and got a ticket, then went to the back of the line and waited in line again for hours to get a second ticket. In the dream, I got another ticket right before they ran out and I was happy until I realized I had missed all my classes. And for some reason, it was a big deal.
Then I woke up to my alarm going off. Looking at the clock, and seeing that it was 4:00am, I thought for a minute about how tired I was and how boring it was going to be sitting in line by myself, even if I bought my iPod. I thought about how seeing Demetri Martin wouldn’t be nearly as fun if I went by myself. So I turned off my alarm and went back to sleep.
So to make a long story short, no, I didn’t get passes to see Demetri Martin. Unfortunately. Ugh.

In other news… Hmm. I’ll have to update when something exciting happens. It’s lame when I update about how I tried a new flavor of yogurt the other day or with news about my roommate’s urinary tract infection. So yeah. I won’t.

I wish I could succeed at something. February 13, 2009

I feel really upset right now.

I’m not liking this new trend of depressing Fridays.

I’m going to take a nap
and hopefully I won’t wake up until tomorrow morning.
Or better yet, I’ll wake up so far in the future that this won’t matter anymore.

But I won’t hope.
I have been disappointed too much lately.

Brutal Honesty For Those With Selective Hearing February 9, 2009

I kind of dislike when people’s entire lives revolve around romantic relationships.
It’s like they can’t be alone, so when they feel like they are, they get overly dramatic.

I want to tell certain people to stop being depressed every time they discover some new crush isn’t going to like them back.
There are more important things. Life goes on. Especially since you seem to like somebody new every week.

Then when you finally do date somebody, it’s either “the happiest time of your life” or “the best person you’ve ever been with”.
Then after you both break up, it’s always the same. It’s always the other person’s fault; how they “spat you back into the world” or whatever. You’re always the innocent one who “ends up getting hurt”. I actually believed you the first couple times… Then I started to see the trend. You’re like a cd that keeps skipping at a really annoying part.

I also hate when you exaggerate everything.
I don’t care if that makes me a hypocrite.

I don’t know why it annoys me so much. Probably because you broadcast yourself to the world. It upsets me that I trusted you at some point in time. You screwed me over by your advertising (so much for keeping secrets) and then didn’t seem to understand the big deal.
But I didn’t get all upset and come complain to all your friends now, did I?
That’s called maturity. You should look it up. It might do you some good.

Oh and by the way
I don’t care if you wrote a song for me.
I still think you lack musical talent.

Some Thoughts February 5, 2009

In sociology today my professor was talking about socialization. One aspect he focused on was fear and risks. He said he thought it was ironic that some people were afraid to fly but not afraid to get into a car, despite the fact that the chances of dying in a car accident are much, much higher than dying via airplane. He gave us some numbers to reflect on; there are 200 people in my class. He said that according to statistics, 3 of us would die in an automobile accident in the next two years, and 1 of us would commit suicide. He gave a couple other numbers like this, then showed us pictures of 5 of his previous students who had died in the past year.
As their smiling faces from the powerpoint glowed down onto us, the class got strangely silent. All of us were probably thinking the same thing- who would it be?

I can’t get this thought out of my head.
It’s not because I’m scared that I’m going to die.
I just know that everyone at this university has plans for their future
and no one can predict that their plans will be cut short.

Edit- Email my professor sent out a couple hours after I made this post:

“See, what’d I tell you? From today’s news:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/05/army.suicides/index.html

Is evidence that one can only push human beings so far (and for only so long) away from social relationships and “normal” human interactions, and then they begin to break. Not good. Long, repeated, and stressful deployments in cultures very foreign to Americans are taking a growing toll. In Iraq, actual armed engagements are much lower than before, so it’s not as much about PTSD as it is about starved relationships.

Mark”

Yes, my class is intense. To the max.

So it’s the fifth day of school… January 26, 2009

…and I still haven’t missed any classes. I’m so proud of myself! Ha. Maybe I won’t suck as much this semester.
I’m excited because I got tickets to the Air Sex Qualifying Round on February 14th. It should be super rad.
I’m not so excited that I’m spending all my hard earned money from the Christmas break. But at least it’s for a good cause, right?
Yes, Air Sex competitions are considered a good cause. As of now.

After driving myself around for over a month, it took me a few days to get used to having to walk everywhere. I find it ironic that I gave myself 15 minutes to drive to work in San Antonio and I give myself the same amount of time to walk across campus to class in Burdine. Okay maybe not ironic. But mildly amusing.

Other random facts:
I ate a diet blueberry waffle today that my roommate gave me. I would say it was yucky but it didn’t really taste like anything.
It rained misted on me today when I was walking to class.
I skipped my sorority meeting yesterday to spend 3 hours in the library doing Chemistry and Statistics homework. Whatanerd.
I ate a record of 4 yogurts in one day. Just so you know, it was original, not light, and it was strawberry.
I signed the release form for my psychology class. Random graduate students are now officially allowed to do experiments on me. The more experiments I’m in, the more credit I get (a minimum of 5 experiments to get credit for the class).
When I went to my chemistry class this morning I was a couple minutes late. I went quietly and sat down next to some random guy and once I sat down he looked at me, grabbed his stuff, and left the auditorium. I must have smelled bad or something (despite the fact that I had just taken a shower).
I need to buy a calculator.
Umm…. I think that’s it.

Wow. Reading back over that makes me realize I really need to get a life. It’s too bad that I’m so content with the one I have.
Oh, and one last thing. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA GOODWYN. She’s 21 today 🙂

To tell you the truth, I’m lying. January 13, 2009

I always feel bad when I neglect my journal here, especially when I go over six weeks without updating. I guess I just don’t know what to say… Even though Ihave so much to tell.
Being at home for almost a month now has been pretty weird. It’s as if my life in Austin made my life in San Antonio seem like a dream or something. But now it has become a dream I never woke up from. And while I am enjoying my time here, part of me is eager to go back to college. I liked being free from my confinements. I liked my daily routines. I liked being in control of every outcome. Being at home makes me feel like I’m in a speeding car, except I’m no longer behind the wheel. I have simply become a passenger, watching the world blur by.

I made my schedule for next semester in October, but the add/drop period started yesterday. Looking at the classes I will be taking, a plan starts unfolding in my mind so that this time, I will be prepared for whatever may be thrown at me. I won’t be caught off guard again, because then I would have to kiss my dream career goodbye.
My classes:
CH 301 Principles of Chemistry I (MWF)
PSY 301 Introduction to Psychology (TTH)
SOC 302 Introduction to the Study of Society (TTHF)
SOC 317L Introduction to Social Statistics (TTH)
BIO 206L Biology Lab: Structure and Function of Organisms (MF)

Should be a fun semester…
Anyways, this coming summer I would like to take a class at UTSA’s Health Science Center to get my EMT certification. It’s expensive though, and since I’ll already be taking summer school for Principles of Chemistry II, I won’t have time to work. So we’ll have to see on that one.

I don’t really have all that much to say.
Only a couple more days…

I saw a body lying in the road Thursday night. January 11, 2009

Pedestrian struck, killed on the North Side

A vehicle struck and killed a man who was walking along U.S. 281 Thursday night in the North Side.

The man, who San Antonio police say may have been walking back and forth on 281, was hit by a vehicle around 8:30 p.m. near Sonterra Boulevard. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

Capt. Shawn Ury said they believe the dead man, who has not yet been identified, is 29 years old and from San Antonio. Some witnesses told police that the man had been behaving erratically before the accident.

The driver of the vehicle involved in the accident stopped a half mile down the highway after striking the man. Police do not believe the driver, who was not injured, was at fault and no citations have been issued.

No other vehicles were involved in the accident. The accident caused a backup on southbound lanes of 281. The scene had not been cleared as of 9:45.

Pedestrian killed on U.S. 281 is identified

A man struck and killed by a vehicle Thursday night has been identified as Arthur Ponto, 29.

The incident occurred at 8 p.m. in the 19200 block of U.S 281 North.

According to a report, Ponto was walking in a southbound lane when he was struck by a driver who did not see him in the roadway.

A witness at the scene said it appeared a second car also hit Ponto when he was lying on the roadway, the report said.

He was declared dead at the scene.

Three killed in weekend car crashes

It was a deadly weekend on San Antonio roadways with three people killed in two car crashes.

In the first, two teens were killed in a one-vehicle rollover, which occurred just after 10 p.m. Friday in the southbound lanes of Evans Road between Encino Commons and Encino Rio on the city’s far North Side.

The teens were identified as Anthony Rodriguez, 16, and John Mazzanti, 17, according to a police report.

San Antonio Police Capt. Shawn Ury said the boys were the only two occupants in the small white car when Mazzanti likely lost control of the vehicle when going around a curve, causing the car to skid, tip on its side and then slam into a utility pole.

According to the report, Mazzanti was ejected from the car and was declared dead at the scene. Rodriguez was taken to University Hospital, where he died less than an hour later, the report said.

Ury said it appeared the car was traveling at a high speed. The report indicated both teens were wearing a seat belt.

The second fatal crash, killing an airman at Lackland AFB, was linked to alcohol, police believe…

People can be so careless with their lives.
Don’t they realize that life is the most precious thing a human being has?

I was on my way to the Spectrum Thursday night when I saw Arthur Ponto’s body on the road, surrounded by grim looking policemen and flashing ambulances. He was 29 years old. I saw his picture in the newspaper. He was a very attractive young man who worked for USAA (where my dad works) and had a loving family. And yet, it was all taken from him in a split second.
I feel so bad for the driver that hit him. The driver couldn’t have avoided the accident, and now he’ll have to deal with the fact that he killed someone for the rest of his life.

Two teenage boys killed less than 3 minutes from my house, all because they underestimated the vulnerability of their bodies.
They were both wearing seat belts. Yet, one of them was still ejected from the car. Now there’s an indication of how fast they were going.

I want to believe that everything happens for a reason.
But sometimes I can’t fathom how any good can come out of so much sadness.